The Very Secret Diary of Lily Evans
by Yuri Moon
Summary: James has finally got up the guts to propose to Lily, but can his curiosity cause Lily to rethink her desicion.
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: I do not own ANY of JKR's characters.**

**A/N: This story is based on an RPG that I RP as Remus Lupin in. This stoy is from Lily's POV. I am very proud of it. Not as long as I would've liked it to be, but its still a tad long. 3 pages R&R **

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**The Very Secret Diary of Lily Evans**

Lily was walking up the stairs to her attic; she pulled the door open and looked around. The room was empty except for her old school trunk that was sitting in the center of the room. She walked over to the trunk and opened it, so many memories, confined inside this trunk for such a long period of time. Lily looked down at the ring on her finger, and a tear formed in her eye.

"Am I making the right choice? Or –"Lily asked herself.

"'Course you are honey." A voice called from behind her. She turned around and looked the man in the eye; it was her Fiancé James Potter, and laughed.

"I know, but still... still can't help but think I'm making the wrong decision." Lily said sadly. James came over and put his arm around her.

"Lily..." James said.

"James, I don't know what I want. I mean... you've always loved _me; _you've never had to decide between two people, whom you love. And have to decide whom you wanted to spend the rest of your life with." Lily turned from him and looked out the window. "I don't want to make the wrong decision. That's all."

"Lily, I love you, you know that." James said.

"But James! I know you love me! I just don't know what I want! Let alone who..." Lily was now yelling at James. Lily turned on her heel and stormed out, bumping into Sirius by accident in the process.

"What'd you do to her?" Sirius asked with sarcasm in his voice. "Kiss her?"

"Shut up Padfoot..." James snapped. James bent down and started rummaging through Lily's old trunk.

"Uh, is it a good idea to be going through Lily's trunk?" Sirius asked James, who glared back at him, and went back to rummaging. "I mean if she is already mad... This might make the matter worse." Sirius added.

"Will you relax; I'm just looking for something." James said. Pulling out a small brown book, there was gold lettering on it that said "LILY EVANS" "Found it!"

"Is that, what I think it is?" Sirius asked taking the book from James, and flipping through a couple of the pages. "Mate, you're really going to upset her if she knows you found this!"

"She isn't going to find out if _you _don't tell her" James said, snatching the book out of Sirius' hand.

"Prongs! This is Lily's diary. Don't go and mess things up!" Sirius said pleading with James.

"Padfoot, I just want to know what's wrong with her!" James said trying to pulling the diary away from Sirius.

"So ask her what's wrong with her! There could be some personal stuff in there!" Sirius said, still yanking at the diary in attempt to take the Diary out of James' hand. But James pulls harder yanking it out of Sirius' grasp causing him to fall backward over the trunk. "Dammit Prongs! You're really going to upset Lily now! I though you really cared about Lily..."

Sirius glared at James and got up brushing his robe off. James turned away from Sirius clutching the Diary in his hand.

"I guess I was wrong James..." Sirius added, and turned away from James and walked out of the attic. James didn't bother trying to stop Sirius. Sirius was right, if James did read the diary, than he would hurt Lily. James walked over to the trunk and shut it, taking a seat. He buried his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry Lily..." James muttered to himself. He looked back at the diary, and opened it to the first page. It was dated _Thursday August28, 1977_. "It can't be? Can it?"

_Meanwhile..._

Lily was sitting in the kitchen clutching a bowl of cereal, spooning at it while watching the news. When Sirius came storming down the stairs knocking over an umbrella stand.

"What'd James do now?" Lily asked Sirius still staring at the news.

"Oh No! This is his mess, he can fix it himself!" Sirius said staring at the Television. "What is _that?" _Sirius added pointing at the Television.

"Oh, it's just a television. It's how muggles keep up with the news, or they just watch it for entertainment. Like my sister's boyfriend..." Lily explained.

Sirius completely forgot about why he was upset and pulled a chair up beside Lily and joined her in watching the news, when there was a knock on the door.

"'Eh I'll get it, didn't know the News could seem so interesting." Lily said getting up leaving the table. As Sirius reached for the Cereal and began eating it. Lily walked over to the door and opened it.

"Remus! Come in, Come in!" Lily said, as Remus walked in. Lily reached and scratched here ear. 

"I see James proposed." Remus said, looking at the ring on Lily's left hand.

"Huh? Oh! This... Yea he did. It's been a long time Remus." Lily said, hiding her left hand behind her back.

"Yea... It has." Remus said. Seeing Sirius in the kitchen eating Cereal, and watching the muggle news. "Er is Sirius all right?"

"Oh!" Lily turned around and looked at Sirius then turned back to Remus. "Yea, he just discovered the wonders of television."

"Ah, I see. So where is James?" Remus asked.

"Who?" Lily asked clicking her tongue.

"What'd he do this time? Or do I even want to know?" Remus asked.

"Do you even need to ask what he did?" Lily argued.

"No, guess not. So... What have you been up to?" Remus asked.

"Nothing, I was just looking –"Lily stopped, the color drained from her face.

"Lily? Are you all right?" Remus asked in an alarmed voice.

"Yea... Wait here." Lily told Remus and went up the stairs to the attic to find James sitting on the trunk... with Lily's diary in his hand.

"JAMES POTTER! What in your right mind do you think you are doing?!"

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it Reviews are always nice, be honest.**


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to JKR.**

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. **

**DeoxyriboNucleic Acid** - **As I said in the first Chapter, this is based on a RPG that we are in the process of doing on , It is purly Fanon! In this RPG that we are doing, there is a James/Lily/Remus for the sake of it, just to act as a little twist. And Lily has mixed emotions. Ok, so please do not take my fic so seriously.**

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**Joy (Gwendolyn James) - Sorry, Lily didn't beat up James up. But I'll be sure to keep that in mind ;)**

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**Jesse the Harry stalker - You have more now ;)**

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**Sensei-Ninja - I started to read one of your stories, its pretty good, I havn't gotten around to finshing it though :( It's on my to-do-list though. :)**

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**The Very Secret Diary of Lily Evans**

James snapped the book shut and threw it behind him.

"I didn't read anything! Just the date Lily, I swear!" James said. Lily looked down at the ring on her finger and then back at James in furry.

"James... I thought I meant more to you!" Lily yelled. "Or am I just your trophy?" Lily took the ring off her finger and raised it her eyes.

"Give _this_... to someone you truly care about." Lily walked over to James, and dropped it in his hand; she walked behind the trunk and picked up the diary. Then she walked out of the room and down the stairs. Sirius was still sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal, only Remus had joined him now. Lily walked right past them and out the door, clutching the diary in her hand. 

Lily wandered the streets of London, not knowing where to go. She needed to think. Had she really meant what she said? Or was it just her anger speaking? All Lily knew was that she was confused. Finally, she found a peaceful park. Lily walked around for a bit, and saw a bench, so she took a seat, and opened the diary. Looking through it... reading things she thought he had forgotten... in hope to forget that part of her life...

_One Year Earlier..._

Lily was sitting on the floor of her room packing her trunk for school. In just a few hours she would be back at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had just been appointed Head Girl; she was very pleased with it. She would have enjoyed it even more if the Head Boy wasn't James. Lily had been hoping that it would be Remus, but she hadn't heard from him all summer, but she did hear from James. About four times a day... seven days a week. James had even tried to call her on the telephone. But Lily's sister Petunia answered it and said never call this house again. Lily found this funny, because she had absolutely loathed James. From the first time he had come up to her in first year. And his future actions had not helped Lily change her mind one bit, but at the same time. Lily couldn't help but feel feelings she had never felt before around James. But how could she love him, if she loathed him? Questions like this aggravated Lily, because she did loath him, yet she still felt feelings for him... strong feelings.

Lily shut the trunk and went downstairs. Petunia and her boyfriend Vernon Dursley were sitting in the living room watching television. Petunia moved closer to Vernon and put her arm around him. Petunia did this often just to bug Lily, seeing as she did not have a boyfriend for their mother to be oh so proud of her for that. Lily ignored them and walked into the kitchen. Her mother was standing over the sink washing dishes.

"Mum, my stuff is all packed and ready to go." Lily said. Mrs. Evans turned around and looked at Lily.

"Your father is going to take you up to King's Cross when you're ready all right sweetie." Mrs. Evans said sweetly.

"Huh? Oh Ok..." Lily said looking down at her feet. "Um, mum... Can I ask you something?" She added.

"Lily, is there something wrong?" Mrs. Evans asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"No, nothing wrong I was just wondering about something." Lily said, taking a seat across from her mother. "Um, how do you know that you love someone? I mean what if you love someone, but you think you love someone else that you hate?"

"Then give them both a chance." Mrs. Evans smiled. "Maybe that one person you hate is really the one you love."

"Thanks mum..." Lily wasn't entirely sure that her mother's advice was the greatest advice. How could she give James a chance? He tormented other students that got in his way just for the fun of it! Mrs. Evans got up ad patted, Lily on the shoulder, then walked out of the Kitchen.

"Hey! Freak! Dad is looking for you!" Lily's excuse for a sister called.

"What?" Lily asked.

"What part didn't you understand? The 'freak' part... or the 'Dad is looking for you' part'! He has your trunk in the car and says to hurry up or you'll miss the Freak Express!" Petunia sneered and exited the room. Lily walked into the hallway towards the front door, and took a beige bag off the cloak rack and threw it over her shoulder. She took one last look around to make sure she had everything, and pulled the front door open and walked to the car. Her dad was already in it and had the car running. Lily opened the passenger side door and got in. Looking back at her house one last time, it'd be another whole year until she'd see it again.

Lily got out of the car and went to get a trolley so they could put her trunk on it. She came back to the car pushing the trolley, as her dad loaded the trunk onto she caught two tall boys that both had black hair. One was wearing glasses, and messing up his hair. The other had long hair and was fiddling around with his wand. It was James and Sirius no doubt, James was always messing up his hair, and Sirius was always with him. The 'Dynamic Duo', one was never without the other. Unless they were in Detention, which was almost every other week...

"Um Dad, I'm going go ahead and go in... meet you there?" Lily said, still glaring at Sirius and James.

"All Right Lily." Mr. Evans replied lifting the trunk onto the trolley.

Lily ran into the station, just as she saw James and Sirius walking over to her father.

"That was close" Lily said just as she entered the station.

"What was close?" A voice called

"Remus!" Lily flung her arms around the boy that called her name. Only it was not a boy, it was a young man; it was a younger Remus none the less. "Why didn't reply to any of my letters?"

"Uh... I was... I was busy this summer." Remus said.

"Honestly Remus! You couldn't have been that busy could you?" Lily asked.

"Well, um... you see Lily –?" Remus said, but he was cut off by Lily.

"Dammit Remus! You're hiding something and I want to know what it is!" Lily demanded.

"Lily you're going to have to trust me on this one. I honestly can't tell you... not now at least." Remus said quietly.

"Remus... you can trust me though, I'm your friend." Lily said, tears forming in her eyes.

"Lily... please doesn't cry. I'll tell you, I just can't tell you here. Just wait till we get to Hogwarts all right." Remus said. "Oh No..."

"What is it?" Lily asked turning around to where Remus was looking. "Uh! Sorry Remus I got to go!"

Lily ran right for the barrier. She wasn't even watching to see if the muggles were watching, she just ran through it.

"My Gosh! Is James stalking me or something?!" Lily muttered under her breath.

"Lily? Lily!" a voice was calling. It was her father.

"Over here Dad..." Lily called walking over to Mr. Evans who was pushing an empty trolley towards her.

"Ah, well your trunk is on the train all ready. There was a boy looking for you, with messy black hair and glasses. Are you dating him?"

"You didn't tell him where I was did you?! And no I am not dating him, nor will I ever!" Lily said firmly.

"Whatever you say Darling." Mr. Evans said, looking at his watch. "Oh look, you better hurry and get on; it looks like the train is leaving."

Mr. Evans hugged his daughter. Lily looked up into her father's eyes.

"Go on Lily, you're going to miss the train." Mr. Evans pleaded.

Lily nodded and went to get on the train. She moved on and got into a compartment and looked out the window.

"Bye dad..." Lily said to herself. Her father was standing on the platform waving at her. The train let out a loud whistle and they began to move out of the station.


	3. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of JKR's characters. This fic was based on a RPG that I am in on The ideas are purley fanon! Ok, they are not to be taken seirously. We just thought it would add tenshion for Lily to like Remus. We all know that she loves James. Hope you enjoy. **

** The Very Secret Diary of Lily Evans  
**  
Lily stared out the window until she couldn't see the station anymore. She sat quietly in the empty compartment, listening to the other students running along the corridor.  
  
"Will the Head Boy, Head Girl and all Prefects, please report to the front of the train." A deep, low voice echoed throughout the train.  
  
Lily got up, and pulled the door open. And headed down to the front of the train, she had forgotten that she had been appointed Head Girl. How could she forget, the letters from James "Isn't this great Evans? You and I are Head Boy and Girl!" About fifty of them to be exact; all the same. Lily still couldn't understand why Remus hadn't written to her all summer.  
  
"Was it something I said to him lat year? Or something I did? I thought we were friends. I wrote to him... why didn't he write back to me?" She thought to herself.  
  
"It's not you Lily, it's him. He obviously doesn't care about you." Said a voice inside Lily's head.  
  
"He does care!"  
  
"But why didn't he write to you then? If he cares so much about you so much."  
  
"He was just busy that's all."  
  
"So busy he couldn't reply to say that he missed you? That we couldn't wait to see you, or even congratulations on making Head Girl?"  
  
"Ok, Ok, I get the point!"  
  
Lily opened the door to the prefect's compartment and saw James and Remus talking in the corner. Lily tried to sneak past them but it was too late, because James had already walked over to her.  
  
"Hey Evans! Did you miss me?" James asked putting his arm around Lily. Lily looked down at James and arm, and brushed his hand off her shoulder.  
  
"If I did, I would have replied to one of letters, Potter." Lily said.  
  
"Yea, well Sirius and Remus here replied to them!" James said. Lily stared at Remus.  
  
"I thought you were busy this summer!" Lily said walking towards Remus.  
  
"Uh, well yes, I was busy." Remus said.  
  
"Ok, so you can write to your buddy James. But you can't write to me? Did you even read any of them?!" Lily argued.  
  
"No! Well... yes. But they kind of aren't letters anymore." Remus said calmly.  
  
"So what did you do with them?" Lily implored.  
  
"Dog ate them." Remus said quietly. James must have found this funny because he was now laughing.  
  
"Dog 'eh Moony, last time I was over at your place, you didn't have a dog, unless you recently got one." James said, nudging Remus in the side with his elbow.  
  
"Shut up James, and for your information, my little sister brought home a stray during the summer." Remus snapped at James.  
  
"Whatever you say Moony, just remember I know your secret." James said, winking at Remus.  
  
"Just remember what I can do to you if you tell anyone, and I'm not the only one with a secret, Prongs ole buddy." Remus said, winking back at James.  
  
"I'm still here you know." Lily said, taking a seat. Remus glared at James and sat down next Lily. James joined them sitting on Lily's other side; James put his arm around Lily and moved closer.  
  
"Take your hand off me right now Potter." Lily said firmly. James moved his arm off Lily and pulled a Golden Snitch out of his pocket.  
  
"Please, you still have that!" Lily sighed.  
  
"'Course I do, have to practice you know." James said, releasing the snitch, and letting it fly about a foot away, then catching it.  
  
"You are such a show off, you know that." Lily said not even bothering to look at him. "Well, seems like the new Prefects know what they have to do. If we're done here, I am going to go now."  
  
"Come on Evans! Stay a bit." James pleaded.  
  
"Shouldn't you be playing some trick on somebody?" Lily said getting up and walking to the door.  
  
"Yea- I mean no. I have decided to give up my foolishness of tricking the younger students." James said proudly.  
  
"Even Severus?" Remus said.  
  
"Er no, Snape is a special exception." James added.  
  
"Knew it." Lily muttered. "You'll always be this way, you know that." She told James and walked out, right past Sirius and Peter. Remus and James walked out and saw Sirius and Peter.  
  
"Don't tell me you kissed her Prongs." Sirius said sarcastically. Peter and Remus laughed.  
  
"Ha, Ha, Ha," James said, he turned and looked at Remus and Peter. "Bet you thought that was funny 'eh Wormtail. You too, Moony. You guys really need to learn the difference between funny and not funny." James added.  
  
"We're sorry mate. It's just... you know Lily doesn't like you." Sirius said.  
  
"Yea, maybe your right." James said sadly.  
  
Lily made her way to the back of the train and found an almost empty compartment; the only person in it was Amelia Bones. Lily knocked on the door.  
  
"Oh hey there Lily! Come in." Amelia said. Lily walked in and took a seat across from Amelia. "What's the matter Lily?"  
  
"Oh nothing, James is just being a prat again." Lily said dully.  
  
"Typical James. You like him, don't you?" Amelia said, teasing Lily.  
  
"NO! What would make you say a thing like that?" Lily yelled.  
  
"Just wondering... I mean, last year at all the Prefect meetings, you complained how he was the biggest trouble maker you've ever seen." Amelia said. "So, if you don't like James, then who do you like?" She added.  
  
"Remus." Lily said quietly, blushing.  
  
"Remus Lupin?! You can't be serious." Amelia said shockingly.  
  
"What's the matter with Remus? He is a sweet and sensible guy. And he doesn't run around playing tricks on younger kids." Lily said.  
  
"Yea, but he does run around with James and Sirius. So he has to have something to do with those tricks." Amelia said.  
  
"But he is Prefect Amy. Dumbledore chose him for a reason." Lily said.  
  
"Yea, he is, but did you notice who was made Head Boy Lily? Amelia argued.  
  
"True, but Remus is different from them. And he doesn't call me Evans." Lily said sweetly.  
  
"Whatever you say Lily. And that's only James that calls you Evans." Amelia said.  
  
"Attention Students: We will be arriving at Hogwarts in about five minutes."  
  
Amelia looked out the window and saw the village of Hogsmeade, and the horseless carriages waiting to take the students up to the school.  
  
"Lily look, we're here! It's so beautiful, it's a shame we won't be coming back." Amelia said sadly.  
  
"Yea, but there is one good thing about it being our last year." Lily said cheerfully.  
  
"Does it have to do with never seeing James again?" Amelia said sarcastically.  
  
"Yes, and also I can move out of my house. No more Vernon." Lily said.  
  
"Who's Vernon?" Amelia asked.  
  
"My sister's boyfriend. He is a pig though; he comes over very early, and sits in front on the television all day. Watching pointless shows." Lily explained.  
  
"Why doesn't your sister go to his house?" Amelia added.  
  
"Don't ask me, I think his house is a disaster zone." Lily said. Amelia laughed as the train came to a halt. They got off and saw the familiar face of Hagrid, and the smell from the nearby bakery. They made there way to a carriage and climbed in. They talked the whole way up to Hogwarts.


End file.
